Wednesday 28th Septe

Wednesday 28th September.  5.30am

I have been awake since four, bling! Eyes opened and the carousel of unwanted thoughts started rolling by.
I spoke to someone from the HepC trust yesterday, because I felt too good after second injection????  How mad can you get?
Advised to enjoy the ride while it’s easy… (Good old Sam).  She’s quite right, of course.
This is what I do, you see?  If I’m feeling bad, I feel bad….. But if I feel good, ‘I feel a fraud’?  Why?  I have to finally get rid of this compulsion to punish myself.
It ‘is’ what it ‘is’, just like that… And I know and believe that, but sometimes, when the bogie men come out to play it’s not so easy to ‘live’ it.
Okay, how much of this is the treatment?  Let’s see…
Waking up at four in the morning, that’s definitely not me, so it’s gotta be the tx
Getting up and sitting at the pc at 5.30?  Never done that before, so again, effect of tx.
My dearest friend should by now be on the plain to Grenobles, bungee coming on Saturday.  My heart is there with them, I wish my body was there too.
I even had a fantasy yesterday of how great it would have been to have jumped the bridge on my second injection.  Ahhh.. The arrogance of ego….
But I am not there, and that is as things are, so stop waffling…
Okay, maybe I haven’t had major physical side effect this time, but I reckon the state of my head, although still balanced, speaks for itself.
I can see an afternoon ‘siesta’ pending.  And I feel much better now I got all that out.

Oak at Rivington 

Second injection The

Second injection… The Universe loves me…………

It is now Tuesday 27th 11.40am, British time.
Yesterday, Monday 26th of September I had my second injection, at 5pm.  I was expecting a repeat performance of last week’s, and was prepared for it.
However……….. Nothing happened……… Went to bed at ten thirty, slept as normal, and nothing happened.  No pain, no chills, no nausea…  Looked into my head, was I going crazy instead?  But no, quite at peace actually.
Woke up with a bit of a heavy head and sniffling a bit, but feeling rather good.

I have always said that apart from this virus, I am strong as an ox.  Well, maybe I ‘am’ an ox after all. He! He! He! Hope I don’t look like one as well…

I believe my spiritual preparation and beliefs contribute to my experience of tx so far.  I am not taking it for granted al all, far from it.  As a dearest friend advised, I am ‘letting it flow’.

Maybe the ‘molten metal running through my bones’ feeling I had last week was my life force coming into battle. I am fighting back, the goddess within turned up for battle after all.  Hail!
I do realize it is a personal thing, this belief; but I have always said that ‘spirituality is in the experience’, and while the Universe shows me such kindness, I shall honor it.

Ouch, new at this, no image went through. Doh. Leaving it for now.
5.30pm. saturday. gonna get my tea and Rivas

oak at Rivington

(image placeholder)

Time difference. Please note that there seems to ...

Time difference.  Please note that there seems to be a time difference of 8 hours and cant fix it yet.  Today, saturday, I am writting at4.30pm, while tuesday's entry was done about 10am, not at 3am.  In future, I shall include publishing time in blog itself.  I don't want to give the impression that I have turned into a vampire.  I do not so far go on the pc during the night.  I like my bed too much.

Saturday 24th September. Another couple of days ...

Saturday 24th September.
Another couple of days and second jab due.  After first night violent reaction, side effects were minimal, tiredness,diorrhea, achy, itchy, cold sore, but all manageable. Took care of not overdoing it, chilled out and ate bland food little and often.  My taste buds have changed the idea of brown rice or green cabbage is revolting (love those usually), been tucking into boiled potatoes (not my usual fare), yummy... I have been careful to have my Rivas half way through my meal and don’t lie down afterwards.
Also have made my three litres of water a must, and now don't have a problem with it; my mouth tends to be dry anyways, so it reminds me.  Having pasta with tinned tomatoes, fresh basil and fresh parmesan for my tea.  Want to build up energy while I can, proper food was not an option till Thursday after injection, so I decided to eat now.  Last Monday I also had a big tea straight after jab and when side effects came I really 'paid for it', so easy does it next Monday.

Yesterday and specially today, I feel great and ready for Monday.  Been having loads of dreams, but that's been a good thing, since it has provided material for my 'lucid dreaming'.  Getting my head sorted 'rapido' here; my psychic jigsaw coming together.  Must remember 'acceptance', 'surrender', and 'handing it over to spirit'.

I am grateful for the kindness tx has so far shown me.  I will not write tomorrow.  I shall try having a walk up to Rivington Pike..... Ok, maybe also have a look at all the bikers that meet up at the Barn on a Sunday...lol.


      

As I get on with my last sunday before the start o...

As I get on with my last Sunday before the start of treatment I have been pondering that by keeping this blog I may be actually doing some good, turning negative into positive.
Since I started reading blogs in the forum, my anxiety over tx start has subsided, identifying with other people's feelings and experience has taken of the 'I'm the only one' syndrome.  Not egotistic thought that one, just means 'I am weak', 'going to crack on tx', 'if I feel like this now maybe tx will not suit me'.
Ahhhhh! how wrong.  Just a tiny grain of sand, me. Roll on tomorrow.
    

Today is saturday 17th of september, 2005. Just r...

Today is Saturday 17th of September, 2005.  Just returned from a night out, dancing with friends.  I promised myself this night in preparation to Monday, the start of my HepC treatment.
I am now ready to start, most of my anxiety has gone, but I know it's still there because I catch myself being 'edgy' with loved ones when normally I am placid.  Overall not a bad thing, better than being tearful and panicky.
Tomorrow last day before any changes that may occur.  Ohhh!  I sound like poor Mr Jackil before turning into Hyde, or was it the other way round lol.