INJ 27TH UPDATE

INJ 27TH UPDATE

First of all I am writing this at 12.20 pm and Oh dear my head is still in the bin.  The first sentence of my previous entry should read NOT MY BEST WEEK YET.

INJECTION 27TH

INJECTION 27TH

This has been my best week yet.  My own fault really, having spent the last month spreading myself around like the last bit of butter the day before payday.  That’s what I blame anyway, now I am coming round.
Having spent Monday and Tuesday am with clenched teeth twenty four hrs after injection I just literally ‘lost my head’, feeling like death and unable to keep anything down or leave my bed.
One thing I have learned to my cost is how unpredictable this tx is, how side effects can come back and catch you unawares; of course because I had forgotten the first time round it took me a while to click.
I have also learned that all this ‘positive stuff’ that I try to hold on to can at times border on the denial.  Well, you know what?  I decided it is okay to feel crap and lick my wounds from time to time, no shame in that; no brownie points in pretending I am doing just dandy and then break up in a sobbing heap.
I have also learned how many friends I have who love me; maybe I should learn to love myself a little more.
Anyway, today is Friday and have finally got out of bed and managed to eat something.  Another battle over, another week closer to victory.
And Yes, the battle Is worthwhile and even the nastiest episodes pass.

INJECTION 26TH

INJECTION 26TH

A the end of last week I went through a couple of days of mad depressive time, wasting time trying to find the cause in my personal life etc.  By Sunday I suddenly clicked that it had been due to a return of earlier side effects (4 days after jab and lasting 48 hours) that I had not experienced for quite some time and therefore caught me unawares.  I had of course been warned about this possibility but did not see it coming.  When you don’t expect a side effect it seems to hit harder (or maybe it’s me being a drama queen hehe)

This was confirmed this week with a return of the teeth clenching ‘I hate the world’ mentally speedy syndrome.  Not as tired as I was but oh my ‘how I want to pick fault and BE BITCHY. Time to do a Zippy, paint a big smile on and lock myself in a safe place till it passes.

Results for my PCR on the 3rd of April (I hope) but not really too bothered. Just had a letter for a scan on the same day which I did not know I was having; guess it is normal procedure.
One thing that I am grateful for is being comfortable in my own skin and enjoying own company (am I turning into a grumpy old woman?) if so don’t care.  There was a time when I was rather needy and afraid of being alone but all that changed since starting tx.

25TH INJECTION

25TH INJECTION

WEEK 24. HALF WAY THROUGH

On Monday I went to the hospital for my 24 week check.  I had my viral load test and, according to the doc, they will keep me on tx for another 48 weeks, whatever the results. My response was not one of acceptance but one of apathy.  What a couple of weeks ago I referred to as ‘getting used to it’ now has become apathy.
According to the doc, my blood levels are holding and ‘I am doing well’?
But I also have a bronchial infection and taking antibiotics once more.

I have been feeling weak and exhausted, struggling to keep up with my interests and spending most of the time in bed.  
I tend to think that I got through the family crisis on adrenaline and now am paying the price of not pacing myself.  I have spent most of the last seven days in bed, and if I don’t watch it I could slip into the downward spiral of depression.  
I need to reintroduce some activity back into my life.  Isolation is not good, especially when it is my experience that I feel better when I get among people, even if tiring.

On a positive note, my body may be running out of petrol but my head is in a nice place.  I have not had manic episodes for many weeks now and I feel quite good about myself for coming this far.

The last 24 weeks have flown, I have gained a deeper knowledge of myself, and what is important to me.
In my experience, the stress caused by fear pre tx was greater than the reality.

24TH INJECTION

24TH INJECTION

I again rushed my way through injection day and the days that followed sorting family stuff out.  On a normal week I would not have done so but the matter in hand was too important to opt out.  By Wednesday the outcome was a good one and I could let go.  I spent the rest of the week mainly in bed absolutely exhausted and feeling very ill.
Usually Saturday and Sunday are my ‘good days’ but this time, although I made the same efforts I shuffled along hardly able to walk or get involved in much.